oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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