just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
