Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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