Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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