Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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