if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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