She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
