I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
