You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
