you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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