hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
