If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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