Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
