Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
