I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
