Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
