Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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