Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
