True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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