and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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