This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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