and next time when you feel me up, do it right
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Let's get the cat blown out
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
