I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
