hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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