Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It's just like the Real World with babies
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
