i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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