So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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