Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
