We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
