The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
