she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
