Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
