I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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