we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
