I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
