ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
