so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
