as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
