Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
