you're like a bully in the Christmas story
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
