Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
