Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
