I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
