Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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