In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
