It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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