I didn't shave. On purpose
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have tasted many bathrooms
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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