you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize