my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
