I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
